


Made for Him

by butterflyslinky



Category: Atop the Fourth Wall
Genre: Cults, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 15:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1555121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remember the lullabies. I remember the promises. I remember my death. And I remember him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Made for Him

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Создана для него](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368345) by [Rainy_Elliot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Elliot/pseuds/Rainy_Elliot)



> Written for the TGWTG 2013 Reverse Mini Bang for a mix by aunt_zelda.

I. Lullaby

_The first thing I remember is a lullaby. It never made any sense to me and I can’t remember the words, but I remember people singing it to me, soft and gentle. Probably my parents, though I can’t be sure. It could have been any of a dozen people. It always sounded like more than two people._

_They sang it to me every night from the day I was born. It was comforting to me as a child. It promised so much. At least, I think it did. It seems that way now. I felt like there was something magical being promised to me when it was sang, like every night was Christmas Eve. Something vague and intangible, something too good to be true._

_I felt like there was love all around me, in their voices. I felt like I was the most special girl in the world. And they agreed with that. They always said I was special. That I was chosen. That I would always be happy._

I can still hear it sometimes, just a melody in my head whenever I think too much. Whenever my partner doesn’t need me, I sleep and I always hear it in my dreams. When I help him fight, I hear it playing as I use my power to take down his enemies. The only time I don’t hear it is when he talks to me, but that doesn’t happen very often, since it’s hard for me to talk back.

And in spite of everything, that song is still warm. Still comforting to me. Because when they sang lullabies, nothing hurt.

I love the lullaby. And I’m almost glad I don’t remember the words. If I did, I would lose that small bit of comfort from my past. Because I’m sure the words weren’t as tender as the melody. I’m sure that the words told what would happen to me.

_They promised it wouldn’t hurt. That my soul would be well now. That it was all for the best. That I would live forever and serve It._

_I don’t want to live forever. Living forever hurts more than death._

_I remember begging. “Don’t make me live forever. Don’t make me. Let me go. Let me live like all the other girls, or let me die quickly, without pain. Don’t make me see more horrible people like you.”_

_They didn’t listen. They didn’t see the darkness building inside of me._

I used to think that I could find my way out of here if I tried. That I could fly up to Heaven and be at peace.

I’ve given up on that now. I know that I was never meant for Heaven or Hell or any sort of afterlife.

I was meant for something greater.

Not as a weapon to kill the enemies of the Entity. Nor as a savior for those who feared that cult. I did not kill the enemies of the Enemy. I did not kill the cult for those who feared it.

No. I was meant for him. I was meant to help him save the world, in spite of what they said. I have found a great purpose.

But sometimes, I still want to find my way there. I want to stop knowing all the pain of this earth. I want to stop having to worry about all of it. I want to stop remembering how it happened. How much it hurt.

_They said it was my destiny. They said it was my only purpose, to serve It, to serve them. That I was born to be a sacrifice to our God._

_That I should be honored to be chosen. That my heart is the most pure and perfect, the one to destroy our enemies and bring the God into this world, to purify and perfect this plane for It._

_So they led me to the meeting, dressed in white. They lifted me to the platform. They tied me down. They told me to scream as much as I wanted, to call It into the world._

But then I remember him. I remember how much he needs me. How upset he was when he thought I’d left him. How much he cried when he learned who I was. How he even tried to kill himself when he learned what had happened to me.

And I could never leave him alone. He needs me too much, just like I need him. Before I had him, I spent too much time remembering. Too much time in pain.

Now, at least, I have other memories. Happy ones, with him. Memories of doing good like they said, but of my will, not for It. The new memories don’t erase the old ones, but they give me something else, at least. Something to fall back on when it becomes too much.

And I need the old ones. They’ve taught me a lot. They’ve made me a better partner for him. The tragedy of my life meant that I’d find him. I could never lose those memories.

Losing those memories would mean losing him and giving up the good we do.

_They sang soothing chants as it happened. As I bled. As I burned. As I screamed and begged._

_Their expressions did not change. The chanting did not stop. None of them cared for me._

_That was when love turned to anger. And they always say anger leads to hate._

_I hated them so much. And I knew what to do when they were done. They had said that I would be the weapon to kill their enemies. They didn’t realize that a weapon can kill anyone._

_And through it all, I heard the strains of that lullaby. As though they wanted to comfort me and put me to sleep. But I knew better then. I knew they didn’t care about me. That lullaby was part of the ritual._

_I was never anything more than a sacrifice._

One of the things about living like this is that I never grow up. I never get old, never have to worry about being a grown up in the real world. I’m always innocent in a lot of ways. I’ve never been kissed, never gone out for a late movie with my friends, never done any of the things I’m told are normal to teenaged girls.

I’m so much younger than Linkara. He’s a grown man, one who has experienced everything he’s supposed to know. He has seen a lot of the world. He knows a lot. And I know he thinks of me as a little girl, because that’s what I am on the outside. He will always think of me as a young sister, a partner. Someone to fight with him, but also someone he has to protect.

But in spite of looking and acting thirteen forever, I know I am so much older than that. I’ve seen too much. I’ve fought too many battles, both with him and alone. In my mind, I am much closer to an old woman than a teenager. Jaded. Weary. Experienced. I’m the one who has to protect him.

In my mind, I am far older than Linkara. He’s seen a lot, but not enough. He’s still strong and optimistic. He knows that bad things happen, but he still believes people are basically good. He still has the power to forgive people.

And he’s right. It took me a long time to admit it, but he is right. People are good. The world is good.

I just saw the bad part for most of my life without realizing it.

_One of them laughed as the knife cut deep. I screamed louder, promising myself that he would be the first to fall._

_I don’t remember actually dying. I remember pain. And blood. And then darkness for a long time as I tried to find Heaven. Frantic flailing until I woke to find myself trapped in a small object._

_After that, all I remember is anger. There was light, and fire, and blood, but I don’t remember anything but my own rage and hate and sorrow._

_I know why I didn’t work for them. For something to be a sacrifice, you have to miss it and not want to give it up._

_They never loved me. They never regretted the purpose they had in mind for me._

_My death was not a sacrifice. My death was murder._

_I did not regret killing them. I did not care when they screamed and begged their dark god to save them. It wasn’t coming. All they had was me._

After living for a long time, I started to lose faith. I stopped believing in God and goodness and everything like that. I must have been on earth for thirty years, must have seen more than anyone should know.

I didn’t think there were any good people in the world. All the ones I knew were so cruel, to me, to others, to themselves. I saw parents beat their children, men take women again their wills, people steal from others, people kill themselves. I didn’t think that there was a single person good enough and pure enough for me.

Until I found him.

II. Dance

_I left one alive. I drove him mad with pain and the memories of what had happened, but I allowed him to live. He would carry me out of that place, take me somewhere safe._

_And he did. I refused to fire for him, knowing the darkness deep in his soul, but I remained with him. He wandered the countryside for years, his mental capacities deteriorating with every step. I stayed in his pocket, or in his hand, guiding him with little whispers. Seeing the world with him, learning how awful it truly was._

_But I could feel that there was a place for me, that there was someone who would truly care for me, or there would be. It was a long time before I could even begin to find him. I was made long before he was even born. And we still wandered for a long time before he was old enough to understand, experienced enough to be truly good. Several times, I despaired of finding him._

_But I did. I felt his presence to the north and directed the man who carried me to him, forcing him to keep walking without rest until we got there. I knew when I saw him. He was young, barely more than a teenager, but he was good. A Champion. I could feel it. And I knew I was meant for him._

_“Give me to that man,” I whispered in the ear of the madman. He was so used to obeying me by then that he did it without question. As soon as I was safe in the hand of my partner, the madman wandered off. I don’t know what happened to him, nor did I particularly care. I had found my partner. I had found my home._

_My partner didn’t even seem fazed by it. He simply tried my powers and smiled before tucking me in his pocket and returning to his lunch._

Linkara has cared for me well. He’s not always been perfect, but he cares about me. And I know he’s good. Even when there were stumbling blocks, he remained good.

He never abandoned me. When he thought he had lost me, he went on a long journey just to get me back. Even when another man took me, he came to get me back. He refused to let anyone else have me. That’s more than anyone else has ever done.

I know I made the right choice. That he was the right partner. Maybe not a perfect partner, but the right one.

_When he learned who I was, he was kind to me. He told me, in his heart, that he would protect me. That no one would hurt me anymore._

_I fought with him because he cared. Because he gave me something to fight for. Something good. I held back at first, knowing that he was young, that there was some darkness in him, as there is in everyone, but I helped him as much as I could._

I wasn’t always certain. There have been times he’s strayed. Times he’s not been so good. But he always remembered who he was and got back on track. He only needed someone to show him the way and remind him who he was.

_“You’re my partner. My friend.”_

When we finally spoke, face to face, I told him I wanted him to be better. And he’s tried. He’s truly tried. We’re better now than ever. And we’ll stick together until the end. I won’t leave him again.

I had waited too long to let him go. I waited so many years for someone to be good enough. I wouldn’t let him stray. I won’t wait anymore.

I’ll keep him on track, no matter what it takes.

_When I was taken from him, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t refuse to work for the new man—I saw his heart, and I knew he was good. And I knew that Linkara had unlocked enough magic in us both that my full potential could be unleashed. I had to get back to Linkara and show him that he was good enough. So I whispered a few words to the gunslinger, to let him know how much Linkara needed me._

_“I’m his partner,” I said quietly. “And he’s the Champion. You can’t take me away. He needs me.”_

_He didn’t listen. Only whispered, “I’m sorry. But we need you more.”_

_“But I was meant for him.”_

_“All the guns were meant for someone. Does no good once that person’s gone.”_

_“He’s not gone. He’ll come for me.”_

_“He has to catch me first. I’m sorry, little one. Maybe when I’ve freed my people, I’ll bring you back.”_

_But I knew Linkara would come. I knew he would take me back._

_And he did. He found me. He was happy to see me again. And I happily helped him destroy something precious. I didn't know what it was. Neither of us knew anything but what the man had done. How he had almost separated us for good. So we both lashed out in anger._

_But being partners means we fail together as well as succeed._

He was waiting for me, too. I can see that, even if he never knew it. We were meant to be a team. I was made for him, even though no one else knew it, either.

He waited years to find me. To find his purpose. And once he did, he did everything he needed to do to fulfill it, to be a good partner to me. And when he found his purpose, I found mine.

If this is what my life had been leading up to, I’m happy. I can’t think of a more fulfilling purpose than saving the world, especially with someone so good. And even when we make mistakes, we do well. We learn to be better, together. We can’t be perfect. After all, we’re only human.

_He offered me up. I knew that he meant it when he did. He was willing to give me away._

_But I knew that it wasn’t out of malice or selfishness. I knew it was because he knew I was needed elsewhere. I knew that letting me go would be a true sacrifice for him._

_I would be sad to leave him. I had found so much good with him, so much purpose. I was so glad when Jaeris didn’t accept the offer. I was so happy that I’d be allowed to stay with my partner, the one I was made for._

We’ve spent so much time together. Me and Linkara. Partners, now and forever, like we were meant to be. A power, like I was made to be. The Champion, like he was born to be.

I worry about him sometimes. He’s threatened so often and I always have to be there to protect him. I can never leave him as long as he lives. I’ll stay here, building another lifetime of memories. I’m still learning so much from him, just like he’s learning from me.

And one day, I know we’ll be the best team the multiverse has ever seen. Someone may defeat us someday, but I know we’ll put up the best fight we can, that we’ll never be separated for good until he is gone.

But I don’t want to think about that time.

_The last thing I remember is tonight, with him. Even though it takes so much energy for me to manifest in solid form, I did it for tonight. Tonight is a night for celebration._

_This is the day I found him, so many years ago. And I want to celebrate it with him._

_So I appear before him and smile. He smiles back. “Hey, Margaret,” he says with genuine delight._

_“Hey,” I say back. “Happy anniversary.”_

_“Is it?” He smiles apologetically. “I’m sorry, I’ve kind of lost track of time.”_

_“That’s okay.”_

_“So what do you want to do?_

_“Well,” I say. “Will you dance with me?”_

_He smiles as he puts some music on his computer and takes my hands. “I’d love to.”_

_The music is upbeat and happy, not like the lullabies I remember. It speaks of friendship and happiness, and promises that are more real than vague whispers of purity and forever. We dance all around the living room, not caring how silly we look. No one else is here to laugh at us, but we laugh at ourselves, because neither one of us is a very good dancer. But that’s all right, as long as it’s just him._

_And no one is going to separate us._

_We dance until we’re too exhausted to continue and we both fall down on the futon, still giggling._

_“Thank you,” I say._

_“No,” he answers. “Thank you.”_

I have a friend. I have a partner. And he is good, and we are happy.

Maybe living forever isn’t so bad.


End file.
